This is the first day, of my last days.

Today, Monday the 16th of May 2016, was the first day of my life after QBE.

QBE is the company I spent 12, 2 months and 2 weeks at.

I started there as an 18 year old, first ever job and straight after high school.

So you can appreciate the fact that I actually had no idea what to do with myself today.

It's not like it's my first ever day off, but it was the first time I've not had work to go back to eventually. I am truly free. And I'm lost.

It felt like a Sunday, that I had wasted the day (I didn't get out of bed until 1pm) and that I needed to 'do' something, anything to make the weekend have felt productive before I go back to work. I kept trying to tell myself that today is just like a Saturday and I have tomorrow off to be productive if needed, but I can't actually trick myself into thinking it is indeed Saturday. Though at the same time, the logic of knowing that I actually don't need to do anything wouldn't kick in. 

I really wanted that feeling we've all had of waking up a little past the normal weekday wake up time with a start and have immediate stress about getting to work then realising there is no work and being able to smile and relax. That didn't happen.

And it won't happen, as I type this now I know that that's it, tomorrow I can't mope about wondering what to do, tomorrow I'm back in the gym and working out what I should do in Sydney before I leave. Doing all of the things that I have put off because of exhaustion and the impact on the mind of having to do something I no longer enjoy.

Right now though I'm going to go read a novel, because that's productive.

Note - the title to this post are lyrics from the Nine Inch Nails song, Wish.

Credit where credit is due and all that.